Hump Day: Death by hair dryer: plotting the murder of Frosty the Snowman

Hump Day 2 croppedHump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Moncton Times & Transcript

I read an interesting article online the other day about our penchant for complaining about this year’s utterly horrid winter. The gist of it was that the more we complain, the worse we feel. If you’re on Facebook or Twitter, you’ll certainly agree that complaining about the weather – especially with winter fatigue setting in – is as common as grains of sand on a warm beach. Thinking summer thoughts!

The irony of this winter has been that Christmas and New Year’s were completely free of snow. I can’t remember the last time that both were. Even if we spent a green Christmas, there was always a storm by Jan. 1, allowing us to welcome a new year amidst the fluffy white snow. You remember those days? When snow was actually OK to have on the ground?

But Ol’ Man Winter has been particularly ornery this year and left us green in December when it should have been white, and now white in March when we should have been green – well at least brown in the hopes of eventually becoming green. I think Ol’ Man Winter needs more fibre in his diet.

It’s true that complaining makes it even worse. I’ve seen people going practically crazy online cursing the weather.‘Not again!’‘I can’t take it!’ ‘I’m moving down south!’‘This is driving me insane!’ The anger and depression can be contagious. I’ve seen some people even seriously contemplating moving.

OK everyone, let’s get a grip. This year seems to be an exception. Perhaps climate change will prove me wrong, but I can’t imagine this happening year after year. Is this the new norm? I doubt it. Don’t put your homes on the market just yet. Sit back and breathe. And breathe again. And again.

Even people whose favourite cartoon character is Frosty the Snowman are ready to turn their hair dryers on him at this point in the year. Nothing would make them happier than to see that old silk hat, corn cob pipe, button nose and two eyes made out of coal lying beside Ol’ Man Winter in a cremation chamber.

This may sound silly for a grown man to say, but at this point of the year when I want to slap the next snowflake I see across its smug little face, I buy myself flowers. Sure, laugh and make fun of me while you’re putting out a bear trap to catch Jack Frost and researching how much apartment rent is in Costa Rica. Who’s crazy now, eh? I’m telling you, buy some flowers – they don’t have to be pricey – put them in a vase and plunk them down on your kitchen table.

It's been a long winter, so I made a photo collage of the flowers from my garden in 2014. (The poppy is from 2013, though.) It almost seems impossible with all the snow still on the ground that anything will grow again this summer -- but it will!
It’s been a long winter, so I made a photo collage of some of the flowers and plants from my garden in 2014. (Exception: The poppy is from 2013.) It almost seems impossible with all the snow still on the ground that anything will grow again this summer — but it will! (Click on the photo for a larger version.)

Each time you enter the kitchen, smell them. Take a whiff. Breathe in so hard that the entire vase lifts off the table. This is the smell of spring and summer. It will come again. There is hope. I even resorted to making a collage of photos of flowers from my garden last year. I’d forgotten how beautiful they were. It’s easy to forget that flowers do indeed exist when a squirrel is standing on a snow bank outside your bedroom window to peek in as you change your clothes. I guess even squirrels need a good laugh after all this snow.

A snowy March is the only time of the year when photos of insects on Facebook get people excited. Someone posted a photo of fly the other day and people practically gushed over it like it was a newborn baby, a foal who’d just taken its first steps, or a kitten opening its eyes for the first time and meowing with surprise. You know it’s been a long winter when flies and mosquitoes start getting love letters online. (Dear flies and mosquitoes: Enjoy it while it lasts. The novelty will wear off quickly.)

The nice thing about March is that the sun’s springtime position in the sky seems to be melting the snow no matter the air temperature. Stopping spring from coming is like putting your hands up against a tidal wave. There isn’t anything that’s going to stop the eventual changing of the seasons.

Unless you work in a funeral home, you’ve probably forgotten what flowers smell like. I can assure you that spring will come. If you need a reminder, buy yourself some tulips or daffodils – or splurge on something fancier. Our gardens will be full again this summer. The bees will be buzzing and the birds will be chirping. Heck, I might even let a few lucky mosquitoes munch on my arm for a few minutes without swatting them.

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