Hump Day: Will mentioning our not-so-bad winter bring on a snowy hell?

Hump Day 2 croppedHump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, Feb. 24, 2016
Moncton Times & Transcript

I’m going to whisper this really low so that Mother Nature doesn’t hear me. Put your ear right up to the newspaper because it’s going to be barely audible. “I think we’ve been having a pretty good winter so far.”

Now, if you all keep what I just said confidential and don’t start repeating it, we may just get away with it.

I hesitate to even breathe a word, because actually acknowledging that the winter hasn’t been so bad is like bragging in April that you made it through the entire winter without getting a cold. You know the drill. It happens to everyone. Within 24 hours of actually saying it out loud, your family is picking out a casket at the funeral home. ‘He was fine until he bragged about not having a cold all winter, then his head exploded. The coroner said it was the most violent sudden onset of the common cold he’d ever seen.’

Now, perhaps Mother Nature’s alarm clock didn’t go off and she’s still snug-as-a-bug in bed – or maybe her alarm did go off but isn’t loud enough to be heard through the din of her sleep apnea machine. Or maybe she and Jack ‍Frost are having a torrid affair and are spending all day in bed these days. I don’t know, and I don’t care. I’m just happy that the snow isn’t over my garage roof like it was last year.

I know it’s a bit early to be starting to think that spring will come early. We do it every year – and then kaboom – we’re hit by wave after wave of blizzards so intense that penguins here on vacation decide to apply for citizenship.

I’m not sure what to do about his situation because – as the winter progresses – more and more people are whispering those ominous words which surely mean we’ll be getting snow right into May: ‘Pretty good winter so far, eh? Hardly any snow.’

Shhhhhh! Don’t wake her up! Turn up that nature CD in her bedroom playing the sound of swirling wind and the beep-beep-beep of plows backing up. That will surely make Mother Nature think she’s awake instead of just dreaming while we walk around outside while wearing sneakers in February.

Every year, I warn myself not to get too hopeful that spring is early. Everyone else does it, too. Then a bad storm arrives late and people are fit to be tied. At some point, I just refuse to shovel. If you won’t play her game, Mother Nature eventually gives up – well at least that’s my theory.

Funny, eh? I keep thinking about the common cold analogy. I’ve seen so many people on Facebook mention that very thing this year. ‘As soon as I told someone I hadn’t had a cold yet this year, I got one… a bad one!’ So, for the record, I’ve had 2,483 colds since November. I’m good until next year. May God strike me dead if I’m lying!

Oh my! That lightning bolt sure was close.

blizzardSometimes, I almost wish it would have been a regular winter – one with a reasonable amount of snow. At least we’d know then that there was likely nothing coming down the pipe other than better weather. We’d all be used to it being snowy and stormy and cold.

Heck, right now, I’ve barely worn my winter boots and can walk from outside to the inside and keep my shoes on in the house because the soles are not even wet – just like summer! It’s not a big thing, but it’s kind of nice not to be constantly going from boots to shoes to slippers, etc., because it’s always snowing.

Maybe we’re just having a nice, mild winter with relatively little snow. Is that so bad? Heaven knows we paid for it last year with blizzardmaggedon. That legendary storm in late March last year was so bad that my poor little dog’s paws were barely touching the ground in the wind when I brought her outside. She didn’t dawdle around sniffing around outside much that day, let me tell you. All business, no pleasure!

Don’t we deserve pretty things, folks? I think we do. Perhaps – just perhaps – this winter will be kind to us. Maybe we’re in for a bit of a break after last year’s constant dumping of white stuff. Yes, there is hope! Spring is here early! I believe! I believe!

Now, if someone would turn up the volume on the Mother Nature’s blizzard sounds CD and hire a barbershop quartet to sing her some soothing lullabies, maybe it will stay that way.

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