Hump Day: Trying to break the same old routines… without dying

Hump Day 2 croppedHump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2016
Moncton Times & Transcript

Now that we’re already halfway through September (gasp of horror!) the return to routine for many has set in. If you have a family with school-aged children, the early bedtimes are back, kiddos!

Even if you don’t have kids, autumn often acts as a return to other routines. Many organized leisure activities start again. Sports are back, such as hockey and football. You know it’s fall when local hockey scores start making it back into the newspaper!

As for me, clients are coming back from vacation. They get busy again – which means a traditionally slow summer turns into a busy fall. It’s all good. After all, the bank likes getting my mortgage and car payments every month. They’re strange like that!

With that said, I sometimes feel like taking my routine and throwing it to wind. It seems like the media is always filled with stories of people who do things completely out of character and shock their friends. No, I don’t mean like robbing a bank, but sometimes I wonder whether I should just take my entire routine and feed it through a shredder.

skydivingMaybe I should take up ‍skydiving. Well, that won’t happen. I practically faint changing a light bulb because I’m not a fan of heights – and I know I’d end up on the news as ‘that stunningly handsome local columnist’ who decided to change up his life’s routine and who ended up face down in a crater he created in a parking lot when his parachute didn’t open. Routine 1; Brian 0.

Maybe I should get a Mohawk haircut and dye my hair purple. Oops. Bald. Actually need hair for that. Scratch that. Tattoo? No. Piercings? Double no.

How about going online to find one of those last-minute cheap travel deals and throw caution to the wind and take off for a week with little or no planning? That would be radical – at least for me. Hey, I have a valid passport, although I’ve never used it. I could go. I have a credit card. Find the deal, hop on a plane and go! Why not?

There’s a good reason: just the thought of doing it makes me break out into hives. I come from a long line of chronic routine sufferers. Same thing. Same time. Every day. Until you die. Change = hives.

Sometimes I see myself going further and further into that mode as I age. As long as you recognize it, it’s easy to stop – or is it? Perhaps I should just find a list of local activities, throw a dart and then force myself to do whatever it lands on no matter how crazy it is. With my luck, I’d land on a class called Watching Paint Dry for Fun and Profit. Hey, I can do that!

Am I doomed to a reasonably uneventful social life? We can’t all walk the red carpet at awards shows or create great works of art. The world needs people who will watch the paint dry. Who’ll know when it’s safe to touch the walls again? Surely, wet walls would unleash mayhem into the world. I can just hear the news anchor screaming on television now: ‘There’s bedlam in Moncton tonight, folks, as people have been leaning on freshly painted walls all day. Save the children – and blame Brian Cormier!’

Maybe I could act in a play? Hey, I could see myself walking out to the applause of the adoring audience. How about tap-dancing lessons? Clickety-click-click-clack everywhere I go. (I’m annoyed already.) Or maybe join a choir and get into a slap-fight with another member over who’ll get the prestigious O Holy Night solo at the Christmas concert? I’ll start practising my slapping now and time it right after the lyric “fall on your knees” during the song. Pow! Right in the kisser! Now you have something to fall on your knees about, buster!

Don’t laugh! Maybe one day you’ll look up into the sky to see me falling to the ground with no parachute, wearing tap shoes and singing O Holy Night at the top of my lungs just before I slam face-first right into that parking lot!

It would certainly be a surprise to many, I’m sure – especially me. But hey, at least I would have broken out of my routine.

There’s something to be said about watching paint dry, however. It may not be the most exciting thing in the world to do, but at least it’s not lethal, unless you take being ‘bored to death’ literally.

Regardless, I often feel like throwing caution to the wind these days. Routines are made to be broken.

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