Hump Day: Make a new stat holiday one that really says “New Brunswick”

Hump Day
By Brian Cormier
Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017
Moncton Times & Transcript

Make a new stat holiday one that really says “New Brunswick”

It’s that time of the year again when New Brunswickers turn green with envy toward our Maritime neighbours in Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, both of whom have statutory holidays this month.

While New Brunswickers worked our fingers to the bones for 20 business days this month and were forced to drink our own tears for sustenance, the three other Atlantic provinces only worked for 19.

What a bunch of slackers, eh? Instead of being jealous, perhaps we should pity their laziness and lack of work ethic. It was Family Day in Nova Scotia. Oh, puh-leeze! We’re just coming off Christmas and umpteen snow days when people were forced to spend time with their families. As if we need more! Family Day? More like Waterboarding Day.

Not to be outdone, it was Islanders Day on Prince Edward Island. Wow! Islanders Day. Did they pay a consultant big bucks to come up with that brainchild? I can just see the conclusion of that report: “For all these reasons, we recommend naming the new February statutory holiday Islanders Day. Please see the attached invoice for $1 billion for our services.”

I think they’ve had more snow days than New Brunswick this year. Did they need another nap to re-energize from their previous ones?

Not that I’m bitter. It’s not like I work from a home office and the only holidays I truly get are statutory holidays. There are no such things as snow days for me unless the power is off. Here at Brian Cormier Ego and Light Trucking World Headquarters, we’re open nearly round the clock for clients – not like those other Maritimers who need a February holiday so that they can soak their unnaturally soft and un-calloused hands in lotion.

We New Brunswickers are a bunch of tough old birds. Yes, we are. So, while we’re at it, why don’t we just get rid of those other pesky holidays, too?

Christmas and Boxing Day? Let’s just buy everything online and take some random Tuesday evening in December to open the gifts. Good Friday and Easter? Sugar is bad for you! Delete! Victoria Day? Oh we all know it’s evolved into a meaningless long weekend. Begone!

Canada Day? Don’t you know where you live? Here’s a map! New Brunswick Day? Here’s another map! Labour Day? September is busy. No need for a day off. Thanksgiving? Save a turkey’s life and go to work instead. Remembrance Day? OK, even I’m not touching that one. We can keep Remembrance Day.

OK, so we’re left with Remembrance Day and that’s it. Shouldn’t that be enough? Otherwise, we should all be out in the fields picking weeds for salads like our parents tell us they did when they were young – or spending our time walking to school uphill and waist-deep in snow in the middle of July. Come on, where’s your Canadian spirit?

Wah! Wah! Wah! There we go, crying again.“We want another holiday!” Holiday, shmoliday, I say!

For the sake of argument, though, what should we call our new February holiday if the powers-that-be smile upon us and grant us one? Family Day is too boring. Maybe we could call it Islanders Day, too, just to annoy our friends across the Northumberland Strait. Don’t get your Anne of Green Gables pigtails in a knot, Islanders! I’m just kidding.

If we're going to establish a new February holiday in New Brunswick, let's celebrate something worthwhile - like immigrants, first responders or volunteers... not potholes. Make this new holiday mean something!
If we’re going to establish a new February holiday in New Brunswick, let’s celebrate something worthwhile – like immigrants, first responders or volunteers… not potholes. Make this new holiday mean something!

Pothole Day? We could set up booths in malls selling greeting cards with photos of bent tire rims on them. Indoor Winter Housefly Day to celebrate the houseflies which inexplicably show up in our homes in February? Please Don’t Move Away Day where we spend the day begging people moving to another province to change their minds? It may not be much of a population growth strategy, but it’s better than nothing.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind Smell a Black Marker Day – and I don’t mean those new non-toxic ones. I mean the deadly ones from when I was a kid – one sniff and you forgot your own name for a week.

But seriously, how about Immigrants and Refugees Day to celebrate diversity, or Multicultural Day? Perhaps First Responders Day to thank those who show up when we need them most? Volunteers Day to honour the thousands upon thousands of New Brunswickers who give of their own time to others?

Those are just a few of the excellent things we could honour with a new February holiday. If we’re going to do it and really, I’m all for it, let’s not pick some generic reason out of a hat. Let’s make it mean something. Let’s make this new holiday be more than just another day off.

(Note: The published version stated that Newfoundland and Labrador had a holiday in February. This was an error and has been corrected for this online version.)

2 Responses to Hump Day: Make a new stat holiday one that really says “New Brunswick”

  1. I thoroughly enjoyed this column “Make a new stat holiday….”
    Your writing style is witty and entertaining. NBers can now boast that we have our own Dave Barry.